Why Portland Oregon Sucks
People often ask me, "in which ways does Portland suck?", so instead of repeating myself, they can now reference this page: a running list of the reasons Portland Oregon sucks.
- Aerial Tram: No ski hill at the top. Not a good use of public funds. OHSU bullying the city once again.
- Man-Purses: An abnormally high concentration of this metrosexual accoutrement. Never really figured this one out.
- Bad Musicians That Can't Play Their Instruments: The Decemberists
- Fanbois of Wilco: and all "alt-country" musica horrible
- The "Smug" Factor: "I'm so much more open-minded than you are, which is why I don't listen to a thing you say." (contributed by ledge). e.g. "Everywhere in the South sucks."
- Vera Katz: She juuust won't go away.
- Eric Sten's Administration of the Water Bureau: Eric puts us Erics everywhere to shame. He has always had this ridiculous notion he knows what he's doing in both government and politics.
- The Pearl District's Urban Wetland: No comment; you really have to see it to believe it.
- Overpriced Southern Food: Bernie's Backyard BBQ
- Potholes Galore: Reason: see Aerial Tram
- Twice the Traffic on the Same Roads:
- Apple Fanbois: Tons of webmonkeys running around with iPhones and programming Ruby on Rails
- The Extremely Polluted Willamette River
- The OLCC: A State entity that has to approve all liquors sold in Oregon
- Can't Pump Your Own Gas: This one's a little unfair, since it's an Oregon-wide thing, like the OLCC above, but it just adds to the misery.
- Rye and ragweed allergens: Rye produced up in the valley hangs ominously over Portland. I never had allergies before or since living in Portland.
- Most importantly: Native Americans referred to the Willamette Valley as the "Valley of Sickness", and wouldn't live there.
- For all the reasons listed at: a better "why Portland sucks" page than mine
*Nothing against the Northwest, and Seattle is an amazing city.